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15 July 2008 @ 12:02 am
Cat's Gospel  
Title: Cat's Gospel
Pairing: Grimmjow x Ichigo
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Kubo Tite owns Bleach, I make no money.

For ciaee, for giving me great music that helped me finish up the fic.

I wrote this while listening to Jeff Buckley's version of "Hallelujah."



Cat's Gospel
 
 
“This is greatest, ain’t it Shinigami?!” The Sexta Espada cried, burning with bloodlust,veins boiling at the sight of his orange-haired rival. “Why ain’t you enjoying yourself more, boy!?” Brown eyes flashed and met his. The start of their disaster.

~
He didn’t know why his brain did it. It focused in on the orange hair, the lithe body and changed his behavior like a switch. He didn’t act that particular brand of cocky asshole around anyone but Kurosaki Ichigo, he didn’t get so fucking blueballed over anyone else, he didn’t start thinking in horribly almost poetic terms about anyone else.

~
“What—What are you doing? What the hell is wrong with you?!”
“…I need you. Fuck if I know why, but…” Grimmjow slumped to the floor. He needed this. He needed the boy so badly. 


~


The Shinigami eyed with fear, suspicion and barely masked hatred. Their Captains said he was barely tolerated. If only they knew he barely tolerated them. If not for Ichigo, he would show these filthy men their real king.
No, it wasn’t quite true. He didn’t want to rule Soul Society. He didn’t need their respect. He needed himself, his strength, and Ichigo. Everything else was optional.

~
“Don’t leave…” the redhead said wearily. “I haven’t…got anything left for anybody…”
“I ain’t leavin’, Ichigo,” he said. “ I’ll tell ‘em to fuck off til’ you're better, don’t you worry,” Grimmjow said with a vicious grin.
“You’re not tired of me?”
“When I’m tired of you, I punch ya in the face and fuck ya, and then I’ve got some renewed interest,” the man responded dryly. Ichigo laughed.
“I’ll make you pay for that later.”

~


“This isn’t a game Grimmjow! I’m not a pawn or a prize, I’m not your plaything! You can’t just take what you fucking want, it doesn’t work like that!”
“Don’t get so fucking pissy, I was jus--”
“Just what, just wanted to humiliate me!? This isn’t love you fuck! You’ve made it into nothing!”

~

“Why won’t you tell me,” Grimmjow growled.
“There’s nothing wrong,” Ichigo said distantly. Grimmjow grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, glaring.
“Whatever you’re planning, whatever you’re hiding, fucking forget about it if I’m not involved,” he said, eyes burning. Ichigo glared back at him for a moment, before his mouth suddenly split into a wide grin.

~
 
“Oh, oh, no, no… oh god, Grimmjow,” Ichigo’s lips were smothered by the Espada moving above him, silence everywhere except for the brush of their bodies and whispers to each other.
“…Love you.”


~
 
“YOU FUCKER! I’LL KILL YOU, I’LL RIP YOUR FLESH TO SHREDS YOU—LET ME GO YOU MISERABLE FUCKS, I’ll KILL ALL OF YOU TOO!”
“You can’t do anything Grimmjow!” Rukia screamed with all her might. “Are you just going to leave him alone for revenge!?”
“I HAVE TO, IT’S ALL I CAN DO, IT’S ALL I CAN FUCKING DO--” Renji punched the Espada’s face three times before hauling him close by his jacket.
“Prove your life is worth somethin’ by goin’ to him, Hollow,” he spat out.

~


“…Do you think… my soul will find you again? Wonder if… we were meant…” Ichigo’s fading brown eyes looked up at Grimmjow, who was on his knees beside him. The sixth Espada abandoned all pretense of looking tough, acting tough, and lay down like a grieving kitten next to Ichigo’s tired and bleeding body. His hand crept across the redhead’s chest, weakly covering a wound far larger than his palm.
“…There ain’t a doubt in my mind,” Grimmjow told him. “I’ll find ya again.”
“You don’t have to wait…wouldn’t be fair…” Ichigo said softly. His arm twitched against Grimmjow’s body. “Could be forever… “
“I’ll wait,” the man said. “There ain’t anybody else worth it, Ichi-bo…” Ichigo gave a mixture of coughing and laughter at the diminutive name.
“Bastard…” His breathing became heavier, giving him less and less oxygen with every expansion of his lungs. Grimmjow sat up and knelt over Ichigo, eyebrows pressed together and jaw clenched in pain and suppressed emotion.
“I love you,” he said quietly. Ichigo smiled faintly, something inside him already fading. But Grimmjow pressed anyway. “…You love me too, don’t you?” He asked even softer.
“I love you Grimm…” His pale lips parted, jaw slackening.
Grimmjow shuddered in pain.
 
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
 
There was screaming, shouting, loud sounds. The crowd of children noticed the eerie and tall blue-haired man approaching them, and ran. All but a strawberry blonde child picking himself up from the ground, covered in bruises and scrapes. Grimmjow stopped and looked down at him before he got too close.
“…Kids bother you a lot over your hair, boy?” He asked the child harshly. Deep brown eyes flashed up to meet his with a matching grimace.
“None a yer business, freak,” the kid said, and wiped blood from his cheek like it was a challenge. The red smeared, and Grimmjow grinned. The boy turned to walk away, but stopped when Grimmjow spoke.
“See spirits, kid? Ghosts, people in black costumes?” He didn’t turn around. Grimmjow tossed a wide golden band at the kid’s feet, and it landed with a metallic clink. “Wear that, and they won’t bother you unless y’want ‘em to.”
“ Why should I trust you?” He asked.
“Gut feeling,” Grimmjow replied. The blonde child stood still for a moment, before picking up the band and leaving.
~
 
 
Current Mood: sicksick
Current Music: Hurt Me- Kerli
 
 
 
Ciaee: Grimmjowciaee on July 15th, 2008 08:15 am (UTC)
When I saw that it was written for me I went like, "Ohmigod yay! Squee~~~!"

After listening to the song and reading the story, I was crying all over my keyboard, my heart in a million pieces.

Seriously, you made a mess of my emotions. T.T
Thank you for writing such a heartbreakingly beautiful piece about them.

(By the way, your download link doesn't seem to be working even after I replaced "hxxp" with "http". I found a working link here elsewhere though. [link]
Food For Thoughtthi_hoai on July 15th, 2008 02:51 pm (UTC)
Ahhh.... This is so beautiful. The "hallelujahs" juxtaposed next to the events are so perfectly heartbreaking GAHH..... The death and reincarnation lends truth to the "broken hallelujah."
Ohmyjesus. This is a composition of art, my friend.
saffronloversaffronlover on July 15th, 2008 03:41 pm (UTC)
That was really tender and heartbreaking, I love the style, little snippets of their life together. And that end was just so sad. Thankyou.
betnhebetnhe on July 15th, 2008 04:13 pm (UTC)
This song always makes me cry... dunno why, it's just so incredibly powerful. And reading this and hearing it on the background in my mind is just really beautiful :) Lol I'm going all poetic over this ^_^
berrylolita: Soft Grimberrylolita on July 16th, 2008 07:08 am (UTC)
Aww...
that was pretty fabulous :]]]
I did tear up...
The songfic was done nicely; pretty much the best montage of memories I've ever read
the way it goes through all the angst and feelings that we like to see from this pairing was written so comfortably and fluidly

just out of curiosity; why did you chose this song?
FishingForBoots: Grimmjow & Ichigofishingforboots on July 16th, 2008 07:28 am (UTC)
Well, I was listening to it, and I already loved the song. The part that really triggered my inspiration was:

And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
and love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

And it reminded me of how Grimmjow especially doesn't have a healthy, developed ability to love. He sees a relationship as part conquest all of the time, and I thought of how eventually, that would really tear at Ichigo. These lines too reminded me of the cmobativeness of their relationship:

Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya

That's the part that made me consider Ichigo's death. The stanza sounds very past tense, and the vibe of the song had me thinking from Grimmjow's point of view. It's like him to learn something so futile from love, or maybe not to understand what he'd done wrong until it was too late. Then later in the song, this part:

And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

They're both outcasts who are on the dark side of things; the pain in their relationship would be different than most people ever experience. Someone who's pure and good and lollipops wouldn't understand them. And lastly, the pain of watching someone you love die does not elicit sounds of hope or perhaps anything but anguish-- such a person "cannot see the light."

To go on longer than perhaps you expected, this stanza reminds me of keening. I didn't really know the meaning of the word until I myself had keened. The cry referenced in that line really made me think of that-- wailing, anguished grief that is expressed in a sound that cannot be repressed. Something so hopeless Grimmjow would never do unless he lost everything, and then, there it was.


berrylolita: Grind Panteraberrylolita on July 27th, 2008 09:14 am (UTC)
don't worry about it; it's a much better explanation that I anticipated, so thank you for taking the time to carefully explain yourself

I'm getting each paragraph and am totally understandin what you mean and it took the whole 'pure and good and lolipops' line to get me to understand it all
because you're right. they're both dark and brooding, just different types.
it takes crazy to know crazy
I went and saw the Dark Knight; and I couldn't help but compare Batman & the Joker to Ichigo and Grimmjow
hu3long2 on July 16th, 2008 07:03 pm (UTC)
Oh, I love this, significant snippets of their relationship, with shots of their friends having an opinion as well and being supportive, and the reincarnation! I love reincarnation stories, and Grimmjow doesn't cut young Ichigo any slack, does he? But he waited, and looked for him... sigh...
bellbomb: Shinonomebellbomb on July 17th, 2008 08:25 am (UTC)
;_;

It's very beautiful and heartwrenching. Your writing style fits so well with the song...and usually songfics aren't my favorite but this one just stands out so brilliantly. *sobs*
stevefloatinginjoy on July 20th, 2008 05:49 am (UTC)
That was so heartbreakingly perfect. <3
yasashii_kawa: sunburstyasashii_kawa on July 22nd, 2008 05:55 am (UTC)
Absolutely beautiful.
Lilsister2lilsister2 on July 28th, 2008 07:43 pm (UTC)
My lip quivered for what felt like an hour. *tear*
This is truly great work, and the song played in so well..
You've got an amazing talent. And you write these two so well!!! ^_^
Keep writing.
Roxannefubukikouryuu on August 10th, 2009 06:04 am (UTC)
WAH!!!! TT^TT
It was great until the death scene..... THEN I CRIED~!!!!!! I didn;t cry until I played the music int he background... Than I cried for like 5 minutes straight. Y~Y =goes to the emo corner, a sign that says "GrimmixIchi 4EVR!!!!" hanging above it, the letters smeared like they were cryed on=


I love AaTW BTW. OMFG nosebleed~! x3 Best Fan Fic I've ever read. Hands down.